I have been depressed and anxious on and off throughout my life. My early childhood besides being blighted by illness was not helped by constant warring between my parents. I was the only child. My father was a rather distant Victorian figure, often angry and jealous of my mother's over-protective feelings for me and spent most of his time trying to win back my mother's love. She would have none of it and was obsessed by cleanliness and angry about her own upbringing so I was as often in the depths of a pool of silence between them. We kept moving and I had no lasting friends but loved to get away to the mountains from the age of 13. Surprisingly they were not aware of the dangers and so drove me there and picked me up in the evening. However, I grew up lacking in social confidence and when I left home to go to university, I started drinking and smoking (not to excess) but to overcome my social shyness, and became a hippy! My love affairs were not successful and plunged me into depressions, relieved only by the mountains which I introduced to scores of students in my 30 years of teaching, and of course teaching itself.

When I started to develop breathlessness from 1998, which I now know as COPD, I became clinically depressed and started drinking and the combination caused severe marital problems, which were only really resolved after I was diagnosed in 2002 and therefore knew what was wrong me. I was never violent but just clung to the sofa in distress. But the depression and anxiety that is so common with breathing difficulties continued after the diagnosis and by that time I was taking an anti-depressant and so it was controllable. Don't be scared about taking medication - it really can help, as long as you don't take alcohol with it!! However, you may have to try out different types of anti-depressants before you find one that suits you and it does not begin to work for at least two weeks so don't just stop after the first few days and say "it doesn't work"!

If you have very severe COPD and become anxious not only about your breathing but also about your mortality, your GP may offer you Diazepam or something similar - if you do take it, only take it when you REALLY need it and follow your GPs instructions. It is addictive. Some GPs don't even offer it to patients at all even if patients have only months to live. My mother died of leukaemia and was consumed by anxiety - she couldn't sleep either but her GP refused to give her sleeping pills or something like diazepam because he said that "they were addictive". She died three months later in distress.

Why does COPD cause depression and anxiety?

Well if you can't breathe you can panic and panic makes you even more breathless and so it goes on unless checked. Hence in the future you may stop doing certain things because you know all this will happen -  that is called ANXIETY. Pills might help and so does meditation but best of all are the techniques you can learn to control your breathing and you will learn those techniques if you attend a Pulmonary Rehabilitation Course or an Expert Patients Course or here (eventually) on this site. Breathing for most people is something they do without thinking about it, so it is hardly surprising that we feel anxious or depressed when it dominates our existence.

As for depression, well you might become more and more housebound and not have a garden (although the new portable oxygen equipment should help matters and allow you to get out and about even if its on a mobile scooter or wheelchair). You might be living alone and if breathless you feel helpless and lonely and that is enough to create depression in anybody. Please go to your GP and ask for medication - tell your GP what you think you need, don't wait to be asked!!!

I had a good friend who was only 52. She had a hysterectomy and became very depressed. She was prescribed anti-depressants but she just kept them on her mantelpiece in their bottle. She said "I'm not taking those chemicals - I don't believe in pills. A month later she committed suicide and I lost a good friend and so did her family.

You may become depressed because you think it was all your fault smoking those cigarettes. It wasn't. The tobacco companies and the government are responsible for selling you the things knowing full well that they are almost instantly addictive. Some people say that it is harder to give up cigarettes than anything else, and the government has made over £8 billion every year from your addiction. But you can kick the habit - see the smoking page for tips.

Exercise is good for you - it releases endorphins (they make you feel good!!!)- so try and do some every day - you may feel happier. Try and get interested in something and take your mind of the things that depress you. SUN IS GOOD FOR YOU - INCREASES MELATONIN LEVELS AND ELEVATES YOUR MOOD.

I get depressed sometimes (in spite of the pills) thinking that I'm only in my early 60s and I have a short life span but I find if I get involved in something it will distract me. I like the TV on or the radio or music in the background if I'm breathing badly. I'm writing this Web Site and that distracts me. I also collect mountaineering books and like travelling around (as far as and when possible) and interest myself in local history. So I'm saying take up a hobby that you can do with COPD, like reading, or painting or watching cheerful programmes on TV. Laughter is a good medicine and everybody agrees about that. Every morning as I have breakfast I watch something amusing on DVD or recorded TV or listen to classical music.  Morecombe and Wise might do the same for you. Try it. Above all greet each day with relief and fill each day with as much as you can. When I look at the changing skies I'm so glad to be still alive. Life is so precious - grasp each moment of it.

Incidentally some people say that taking anti-depressants stops you enjoying things, suppresses your emotions. Well it may do for some, but it has not done so with me, quite the opposite in fact!

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